We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
