Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
