Fine. I'll sleep in my office
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
