my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
if only i could text you this smell
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Randomize
