literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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