All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
