You work out of a Hotel?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
