THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
