whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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