Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
