Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
