Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
