Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
