I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
