Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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