I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
