Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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