We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
