I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
