I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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