Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
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When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
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We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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