i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
We have so much sex to catch up on
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
