i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
