Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
