He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
