well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
