Your favorite bartender is back from prision
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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