just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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