sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Boobs are out for the taking
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
