so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
