I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
