My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
