I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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