maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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