If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
