she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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