We named our party play list daddy issues
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
