dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
