I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
