My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
