I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
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Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
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Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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