but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Randomize
