I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
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