I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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