The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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