after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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