Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
