omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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