eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
