BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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