he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
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