hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
