I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
