I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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