Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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