Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
