this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
