I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
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