I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
