You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
