If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
