JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
