i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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