Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
