1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
