My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
