So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
