Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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