Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
