im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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