Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
