Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
