So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Randomize
