Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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