I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
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did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
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This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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