girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
