just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
