Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
There are leaves in my underwear?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
