Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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