she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
